Every December, a company hands out its annual awards. There are trophies, a dinner, and a short speech for each winner. People clap, and most of them mean it. But ask anyone on the team about the moment they last felt genuinely appreciated at work, and the story is rarely about the dinner.

It's usually smaller. A message from a manager on an ordinary Tuesday. A colleague from another team who stopped by to say the report had saved them a week. Something nobody planned, said for no reason except that it was true.

‍

Why the Unexpected Thank-You Lands Harder

Most organizations treat appreciation at work as something with a schedule: performance reviews, quarterly shout-outs, the annual awards. These have their place. Employee recognition programs make sure some effort gets acknowledged, and some people value the public moment a great deal.

But scheduled thanks have a weakness. Everyone knows they're coming. When appreciation arrives on a timetable, part of what people hear is the timetable. A thank-you nobody saw coming carries a different message: someone noticed, and chose to say so, when they didn't have to.

There's a short jewelry commercial that plays on this, set at a family gathering over tea, built around a small gift handed over at a moment nobody expected. Whatever you make of the product, the instinct is right. The surprise is part of the gift.

‍

Why People Hold Back

If unexpected thanks matter so much, why are they so rare? Mostly because people underestimate them. In a series of studies, people who wrote notes of gratitude underestimated how surprised and happy the recipients would be, and overestimated how awkward the recipients would feel (Kumar & Epley, 2018).

In other words, the thing that stops most of us is a forecast, and the forecast is wrong. We assume the other person already knows, or that it will feel odd to bring it up out of nowhere. In practice, most people are glad to hear it, and many remember it for a long time.

There's a practical reason too. In a busy week, thanking someone isn't urgent, so it slips. The moment passes, and saying it a month later feels strange. So it goes unsaid.

Leaders sometimes have an extra worry: that thanking one person will look like favoritism, or will soften a criticism they need to give later. Neither tends to hold up. Specific thanks for specific work is hard to read as favoritism, and criticism usually lands better from someone who also notices what people do well.

‍

Making It Ordinary

The fix isn't a bigger recognition program. It's making unprompted thanks an ordinary part of how you work. That means saying it close to the moment, while the detail is still fresh: "That summary you sent this morning made the client call so much easier."

A simple habit helps. At the end of each week, ask yourself who made your week easier, and whether they know it. If they don't, a two-line message on Friday afternoon fixes that.

It also means looking beyond your own team. Some of the most surprising thank-yous go sideways, to the colleague in another department who answered a question nobody else could, or the person who covered a shift without being asked. They're also one of the quickest ways to start a working relationship. Like learning how to find common ground with colleagues, a specific thank-you gives you something real to build on.

When you notice something worth thanking and can't decide how to say it, an email, a message, or a word in person, don't let the choice stall you. If you're weighing any other options, pick whichever is quickest. Speed matters more than format.

Some people find public thanks uncomfortable, and in some cultures a private word means far more. A short handwritten note can work well when you're unsure.

Much of executive presence coaching looks at the big moments: presentations, difficult conversations, decisions under pressure. The small, unplanned ones often shape a leader's reputation just as much. At Coach Vikram & Company, we would say that gratitude shows most clearly when nobody has asked for it.

THE EXECUTIVE PRESENCE MINDSET SHIFT

From: Appreciation belongs in reviews and award ceremonies, where it can be done properly.

To: The thanks people remember most come unprompted, close to the moment, on an ordinary day, so I say it when I notice it.

3 WAYS TO PRACTICE THIS WEEK

1. Thank someone on an ordinary day

Pick a day with no review, no milestone, and no occasion. Send one person a short, specific note about something they did recently that helped.

It's the simplest way to make appreciation at work feel real rather than scheduled.

2. Run the Friday question

At the end of the week, ask yourself who made your week easier, and whether they know it. If not, tell them before you log off.

Small, regular thanks often matter more to people than formal employee recognition, because they show you're paying attention week to week.

3. Thank someone outside your team

Find one person in another department who helped you recently, even in a small way, and tell them exactly what difference it made.

If you work with an executive presence coach, notice together who your thanks usually go to. Most people find their gratitude stays closer to home than they realized.